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[after kissing Julie (a girl at Riley's fraternity party) on the cheek]
Xander : "Very smooth cheek you have there. Do you exfoliate?"
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Xander : "Anya, look around. There's ghosts, and shaking, and people are going all 'Felicity' with their hair. We're fresh out of super-people and somebody's got to go back in there. Now who's with me?"
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[during Giles' musical performance]
Xander: "Uh, could we go back to the haunted house, because this is creeping me out."
Tara: "Does he do this a lot?"
Xander: "Sure, every day the earth rotates backwards and the skies turn orange."
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Mrs. Holt: "I refuse to listen to this when I can smell the sin on each and every one of you."
Xander: "Yeah, you smell sin? Well, let me tell you something lady; she who smelt it dealt it. It's like what you said, but faster."