Xander : "He's a cross-referencing fool!"
[Re: the demon that Buffy fought]
Willow : "Was it a boy demon?!?"
Xander : "Hogan Martin thinks he's so hot, like we should all be awed by him cuz he put a ball in a net."
Hogan : "Hey Xander."
Xander : "He said my name...he knows my name!"
Xander : "You know Oz, I look at all this beauty, all these healthy young women, and I wonder why I ever wasted my time on Cordelia. I mean look at her. She's no better lookin' than the rest of them."
Oz : "None of 'em are really mine."
[looking at Wesley]
Xander : "Oh my God, he's lookin' at her! He's got his filthy,
adult, Pierce Brosnan-y eyes all over my Cordy!"
Oz : "You're a very complex man, aren't you?"
Angel : "Hey I love you, even if you're covered in slime."
Willow : "Man, I've never seen anyone jump like Hogan Martin. They should call him...the jumper!"
Xander : "Or a name that isn't an article of women's clothing."
Buffy : "Well I thought I saw a four-legged demon...but it was a dog."
[in his mind]
Xander : "What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time. Sex. Help. Four times five is 30. Five times six is 32. Naked girls. Naked women. Naked Buffy. Oh, stop me."
Buffy : "God Xander, is that all you think about?"
Xander : "Actually...bye!"
Buffy : "Listen, there's a killer in the cafeteria."
Xander : "See, I've been sayin' for years that the lunch lady's gonna do us all in with that Mulligan Stew."
Cordelia : "Xander!"
Xander : "I mean, what the hell's a mulligan?"
Xander : "Can you hear thoughts?"
[Buffy shakes her head]
Xander : "Just when I wasn't thinking about sex."
Xander : "Jonathan? Jonathan? Oh, jell-o!"